Fueled by veggies

I was born to love me some food, and I have always felt fortunate that I have a love of veggies. I have tried going vegan/vegetarian many times over the last decade, however I always seem to fall off the wagon. I can't deny that I love a good hamburger, a nice cheesy slice of pizza, and delicious chocolate-peanut butter anything. So much YUM! It's hard not to love the comfort foods that I have literally nourished myself with my whole life, but on the flip side, I can't deny how great a vegan diet makes me feel.  There is just something magical about a fresh green smoothie, a luscious green salad full of colorful, raw toppings, hearty homemade soup full of whatever I have left over in my fridge,  or a filling pasta of any ethnic taste.  I eat much more variety as a vegan.  I get a lot of crap from people who love to question anything different.  "Where do you get your protein?  You're a runner, you need protein..."  Well, smarty pants, our society eats a lot more protein than we actually need; and as a woman I only need about 53 grams daily, which is easily attainable in all the beans and greens I consume.  Trust me when I say that vegan's are tired of people knocking us for what we choose to consume.  I don't pester anyone for what they chose to consume, and I don't appreciate it when people try to lecture me.  It's very irritating that people don't chose to educate themselves before telling me that I'm not doing it right.  I think the proof is in my chia pudding...  I feel excellent; and when it comes to running it's hard to ignore those benefits, especially seeing what it has done for my favorite athletes. 

I first met Scott Jurek in one of my favorite books Born to Run by Christopher McDougall. When I discovered he had written his own book, Eat and Run, I had to read it; it sounded like book that was written for me. I love to eat and I love to run. How could this book not be awesome? 

Scott shares many experiences he has had as a runner, and he shares secrets to what makes him one of the best ultra distance runners in the world: a vegan diet. I had attempted going vegan years before reading his book, but I had done it all wrong. I ate all the fat vegan food I could find. I didn't do it because I wanted to eat a healthier diet, but because I hated knowing that consuming animal products meant absolute torture for the animals I was consuming. The one good thing that came out of my first vegan attempt was that I learned all the best vegan junk food. After reading Scott's book, I was in a different place in life. Now I was a runner, and it was important to me to eat healthy so I could sustain my body and run for as long as possible. It made complete sense to me that putting clean fuel in your body would help your body burn the fuel longer and more efficiently. Same idea behind putting bad gas into your car's gas tank; it burns quicker and it will ruin your car overtime. 

Then I read Brendan Brazier's book, Thrive. A much different book, but so informative and very well written. I definitely learned a lot from that book. I even started taking his online classes so I could watch the short video lessons he has to offer on his site. If I could have afforded it I would have loved to incorporate his Vega protein shakes into my diet for daily consumption. Unfortunately I couldn't afford it, so I bought small packages when I could, but I still think I would see great benefits from drinking his shakes on a regular basis. I want to read his book again. It's one of those books that you could read many times again, and earn something new each time. I had originally check out that book from the library, but I loved it so much I had to go buy it at Powell's Books so I could read it over and over again. 

So many benefits came from reading Scott and Brendan's books, and their knowledge helped get me through my first marathon. 

Unfortunately, a new job in the mall and a summer full of traveling and weddings knocked me off the wagon. It started as a one-time, perfectly innocent indulgence in a guilty pleasure: cake. "Just this once," I thought, "I'm in the wedding party, therefore I HAVE to eat the cake!" I started making small sacrifices like these here and there, and before I knew it I was a burger eating, cheesy puff munching, egg gobbling, consumer of all things animals once more.  Not only did falling off the vegan wagon open up the gate for a poor diet, I also broke my 1 year and 8 month sobriety streak and gave in to my soda problem again.  Although, I have recently jumped back on the vegan wagon, I am sad to say that the alcohol and soda remain present in my life... For now...
I had made some really great things, and I have made some really horrible things.  I am constantly finding new recipes to try, and practicing the good ones that I have nailed.  The naggers ask me why I give up the amazing foods, like bacon.  I'm not really giving up anything.  I am opening myself up to try new and exciting raw foods that can totally enrich and add great flavor to my favorite dishes. 

Veggie stir fry... So much color 

Who says I have to give up my favorite food? Veggie pho yeah! 

I realllllly love Asian soups. Luckily miso is healthy and super cheap to make in large quantities! 

Meal prep never looked so good. 

Onions are my favorite! They go in almost every dish I prepare. So yum. 

Unfinished Business at Hagg Lake

It really doesn't feel like it has been very long since I completed my first non-stop running race.  I wouldn't even really call it a race... It was an event that I was simply determined to finish.  I have always considered myself a pretty competitive person.  Whether it be a race to beat my personal best time, or another team mate, or even just winning a game of cards.  I hate to lose.  Running has inspired me to never give up, and to never quit even when it hurts.  However, it has also taught me that quitting when it hurts is sometimes the best decision to make if you want to keep racing in the future.  I have competed in many events in the short amount of time that I have been running, and there is one race that I have had to take the DNF and bow out in order to avoid some serious, long-term damage to myself.  I hate to think about that race, but to this day, I know I made the right choice for myself.

Hagg Lake is a muddy beast; and this mud is unlike any other.  It's thick and mucky, making it so hard to pick up your feet, and at the same time very slippery.  The course itself is not so challenging, but the mud makes all the difference.  On Valentine's Day this year, I had set a date for myself and the beautiful mud of the Hagg Lake trails.  31 miles of sweat and mud; it sounded like heaven, and I was so very excited to spend the day of love doing what I love the most.

To say I have unfinished business at Hagg is an understatement.  I dream of going back and destroying that course next year.  And next time, I will have the upper hand.  I cannot blame it all on the mud, even though it was a pretty huge factor.  I also was eating a poor diet of mall food, thanks to my current job at the time.  It also didn't help working mall hours; which meant an inconsistent shift or late nights, and no opportunities to get my long runs in.  Poor diet, lack of training and lots of thick, sticky mud, brought to me my first DNF.  I had made it about 8 miles in when I slipped going up a hill and landed right on my knee.  Oh the pain.  Although, I'm so sure that it was my knee that hurt as much as it was the action that my muscles were unaccustomed to.  My knee was swollen for sure, but I feel that it was my IT band that took me out of the race.

It was one of the hardest decisions to not begin my last lap around the race.  I made it a total of 18 miles that day and decided that going another lap around the lake would probably result in a long term injury that may possibly effect a whole summer of running opportunities.  My competitive self thinks about this course constantly.  I do not wish to go back and beat anyone.  In fact that is never my goal.  My goal is to simply finish, and do my personal very best.  And, of course, when I come to a course I have already completed, it's my goal to do better than I did the last time around. 

Until we meet again, Hagg...  

Genesis

If you had met me a few years ago you probably wouldn't have liked me very much.  I was a bitter, angry, cynical and I had a short fuse that could burst over the smallest incident.  I was suffering from severe depression; although I'm not sure I even realized that I was depressed.  I would get intense feelings and I would have no idea where they came from or why I was feeling them.  I was very confused and hopeless; I thought about ending my life more than a few times, and made self destructive decisions that should have ended my life on more than one occasion.  I did not care about my life, and I had no hope for my future.  I have felt this way since high school, but the older I got I could feel the feelings becoming more intense and more erratic, and my self destructive decisions began to take over my life. 
After high school things seemed to get worse and worse for me.  I had always cared about school and loved learning.  I stopped caring about school and I was placed on academic probation until I could re-evaluate what I wanted to do in school.  I took that time to focus on working and I got my certification to be a hair stylist like my mom.  I thought it would be a great way to make extra money, I didn't realize how hard it actually was.  I couldn't keep a job to save my life, because I would get bored easily and I didn't follow what I was passionate.  I think at one point I held 7 jobs in one year; imagine the taxes for that year...  Woof.
I eventually started getting things together on my own, but there was still a dark cloud over my head.  I had found my way back into school and I was feeling like I was on the right track; but I had so much further to go.  One night, after a very bad episode (and I mean BAD),  I decided that I was done with it all.  I had behaved so poorly that I thought I would lose everyone I love and I decided that it was worth getting some real help.  I sought out government funded programs, because I wasn't able to afford my own treatment.  I began meeting with a therapist and taking DBT classes.  The DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) program was a very insightful program.  I learned a lot about emotions and how to deal when things got too overwhelming for me.  I didn't care for the group portion, because I'm not a big group therapy kind of gal; but I find it helpful to go talk to a person who knew nothing about me, and only wanted to help me figure out what was going on in my head.  She officially diagnosed me with severe depression and we started working on it right away. Slowly but surely I started feeling more like my old self.  I was able to repair the relationships that meant the most to me, and I let go of the ones that were toxic to my health.  I began to find happiness in the things I used to enjoy.  
When I was growing up I spent a lot of time at my grandparent's house while my parents were at work.  My grandma would give me a surprise every day when I arrived at her house, she was always stocked up with toys and craft supplies.  I loved spending the day with Gram.  Often those day would turn into night time slumber parties completed by dessert after dinner while we watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy every night. She taught me about baking, although I never really found a knack for it.  She was the best and kindest lady I knew, and I love and admired her so much.  In 2012 they discovered Gram had cancer, and she began chemotherapy therapy treatments.  She would go to her appointments in which she had to sit for hours and hours while they pumped the killer chemicals into her fragile, wilting body.  What amazed me about her was that she never complained, and she always made sure she looked her best for her appointments in her matching outfits, perfect nails, and a bold and brave smile on her face.  I admired her so much.

In the Spring term in my final year of College (I graduated in 2012) I took a class about health and fitness.  I can't say I really remember a lot from that class, but I am sure that it is where my life really started to change for the better.  In addition to the classroom  lecture part of the course, we were also require to spend at least 120 minutes per week in our school's workout facility.  This is where my goal setting began.  For one of my lessons, I had to take a test to measure my cardiovascular fitness.  I knew I was pretty out of shape at that point, having not been active since water polo, but I was completely shocked to find out that I was below the Below Average result category.  I was even more sick with the fact that I was weighing 199 pounds at the beginning of that term.  I was disgusted, disappointed and depressed that I had let myself become that way; and I decided that I didn't want to be that person anymore.  So I set a goal to improve. 
At first my journey was simply to improve my test result so I could at least be on the scoreboard when it came to my fitness.  Slowly my number improved and I was able to run for longer and longer periods of time.  I tested my fitness with my dog, Balto; I let him pull me around the local park as fast as he wanted, but he had to pull all 199 pounds of me with him.  That lasted for almost a mile before we were both gasping for air, and I was drenched in sweat.  Balto was almost just as out of shape as I was.  It made me feel bad.  Balto is a husky/wolf/akita mix, so he is pretty much a natural born runner.  He is bred to run.  He LOVES to run. As tired and worn out as he was, it was pretty clear he was happy.  Seeing Balto so happy made me pretty happy.  His desire and happiness to run inspired my desire to run more; in fact some days are still days that I run simply to make Balto happy.

As my test results became better, and I began looking for a bigger challenge.  I wanted to find a race to dedicate to my Gram.  The problem was, there wasn't a Race for the Tubal Cancer, and I decided to settle on the Race for the Cure.  I was familiar with that race, having walked/jogged the course before.  If I was going to spend 120 minutes a week working out, I figured I had better put a goal at the end of the road.  Race for the Cure 2012 was the first time I ever ran 3 miles non-stop.  (3.1 miles to be exact...)  I wanted to stop many times, but I thought about my Gram who was sitting for hours a day in chemotherapy, fighting for her life and not ever complaining once; I was able to finish the whole raced fueled by her strength and spirit.  I felt amazing.  At one point when passing through an aid station, I grabbed a water cup and dumped it on my head.  I felt like I was in a movie and it made me laugh.  I ran the course in under 30 minutes too, which even further blew my mind.  Holy shit!  I did it.  I went home that day and signed up for my first sprint triathlon.

I trained like a maniac the next few months.  As a swimmer in high school, I was not worried about the first phase of the race.  I was actually excited, in a very nervous way.  I knew that my strength in the pool was most triathlete's weaknesses.  I also had a great time riding bikes and I had biked the Springwater trail many times before from Gresham to Portland.  I did enter one race to get my mind geared up for a bike race.  It was more of a fun ride, which I made competitive every little chance I could get.  My goal was to beat certain groups of riders around Portland to collect the parts to a dog costume on the Tour de Lab.  The other riders may not have known we were competing, but I sensed that a few of them had the idea that we were maybe racing each other.  It was a great experience I will never forget.

I felt with my swimming background, my joy on the bike, and my pride of my non-stop 5k; along with many hours in the pool and gym, I was finally ready to complete my first triathlon.  (A goal that I got from watching a 300+ pound guy on Biggest Loser finish an Olympic distance triathlon. If he could do it, I could certainly do it.)  With a positive frame, hours of mental and physical preparation, and lots of research, I headed to Albany for my first attempt.  Of course I ended up with a nasty cold the day before the race.  With some pure magic and my first time eating pho... I woke up the next morning miraculously cured and ready to race.  I placed third place in my age group and division...  I was stunned.  Talk about a confidence boost.  It fueled the fire that took me all the way to where I am today.

Thousands of miles later I have conquered the 10K, 15K, Half Marathon, Full Marathon, and eventually the 50K.  Me.   Of all the people in the world, I became a runner.  I look back on that sad, confused, lonely, hurt girl and I wish I could travel back in time, give her a hug, and tell her it's going to be okay.  It's better than okay.  It's amazing.  Thanks to running I have found happiness in all forms.  I have found mental strength and will power that is stronger than I could have ever imagined.  I am in love with running.  I love to think about how my goals started as small as to just make it onto the fitness scoreboard, and have evolved into running 100 miles before my 30th birthday.  I can honestly say, I never thought I would be here; and I can't wait to see where I'm going.  Running has taken me on some amazing, fun, wonderful, emotional, powerful adventures.  The road to 100 has been a wonderful experience so far.  I can't wait to see what else is in store for me along the road.