Hello hello hello
I'm re-attempting to start a Blog.... again. I have never successfully gotten this thing off the ground; in all honesty, because I have no idea what I'm doing and I can never remember to keep this practice going.
But not this time! This time will be different - this time I have the power of the full moon and my intentions to be more creative and use my voice more. This matters a lot to me. I'm desperate to find and tune into my voice and learn to use it. I'm willing to put in the work. To be a beginner and to learn new things. I even considered signing up for a college writing class - but a blog is cheaper.
I was always a quiet kid. The time I felt most authentically myself was as an athlete in high school and maybe for a brief bit of time while I was in college and things felt as though they were going my way. (They didn't for long, spoiler, but that is another story for another blog entry.) I feel most like myself when I'm learning and discovering new ideas and skills; or when I'm expressing myself freely and unapologetically; or when I'm running in the woods alone, wild and free... using my outdoor voice a-hootin' and a-hollerin' down the trail as a blaze by. At my core, this is who I am - a lifelong student of the world, a wild child of nature, an apologetically loud rebel.
Writing is something I've always loved to do; and never made enough time to practice it. If I had put more effort and energy into it I think I could have been a rather good writer - and the good news is that there is still time for that. It's how I've always preferred to communicate and use my voice. Writing allows me the processing space and time I need to get my words right and to articulate my point. Communicating is important to me because I long to be understood and heard. I long to be seen. I don't want to feel invisible and ignored.
As usual, I started this blog post and didn't finish it... Exactly one month later I find myself coming back to this post... Maybe it's the universe telling me not to give up? Keep going, keep writing, keep making the time to express myself - because if I don't I'm afraid I will never live the life I came here to live and I'll never truly know who I really am. I've made a lot of decisions that are inconsistent with the way I want my future self to live. I am still making them... every day; nearly every hour.
But I can also see that I am trying - for example, picking this post back up and seeing it through to the end. Because I know I'm not a quitter. My life experience has proven that time, and time, and time again. I'm a warrior, and I don't give up on what I love. And I love writing. And I love being my truest, most authentic and realest self. Even if people don't like it. Who cares? I just heard a quote on a show and I loved it - it was something along the lines of "we literally live on a floating rock, so who the fuck cares?" Life is too short not to do the things I love and am passionate about - and definitely too short not to be my true self and life my best life.
So here I am, picking up my blog, dusting it off, with all the best intentions of getting back into a regular writing practice. If I forget my journal, I will use this blog to capture my thoughts, feelings, poems, songs, stories... we will see how it shapes. What wants to come out - I welcome it all.
It's good to be here.
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